I too, had polio as a child (7 mths) and went through the trials and
tribulations of knowing who I was and even should be. Adolescent years are
filled with confusion anyway, but topping any kind of disability during
those times can be terrible.
I went to "regular" school from the 4th grade on and I was always trying to
be "normal" but never really happy with what I was. As some of us on the
vent group with polio know, families didn't want you to talk about
disabilities and the problems associated with it as a growing teen.
All thru the years of not dating and just having friends in high school was
upsetting and greatly affected my body image. I was crooked, braced with
metal, and in a wheelchair to boot. In my mind, who would want to date me?
Itt wasn't until I attended college here at SIU in IL that I began to find
out who I was. I was suddenly within a group of people who were different
due to race, age, sexual orientation, and disability. It was a relief that
I could find out who I was. In my hometown I was about the only person
with a disability and looked at as the "special" person.
YUCK!
Even during my college years I was uncertain who I was. I felt that it
took alot of learning and experiencing life to find me. I still have a
problem with self image. One day I look at me in the mirror and I am
either too fat, to short, or my trach sticks out. I think that feeling
will never end. It seems to always resurface.
I have had my years of what everyone calls BAD RELATIONSHIPS that seem to
only enhance my feelings of bad self image. Luckily 6 years ago I met a
man..who is wonderful and taught me to be me and be proud of it.
He stuck right through and supported me through my respiratory failure,
trach, and vent. I guess I am fortunate in finding a true love. Oh..it is
not without it's problems. But it all works itself out in time.
We have been living together for two years and it is a permanent thing.
I know what everyone is going through in finding that "special" person. I
went through it, and I know many who are. What did get me thru those years
of frustration was the fact that I am independent and a survivor, trach or
not, disability or not.
I see I have rambled just a bit too much...
Annette
nete1(AT)midwest.net