Please allow me to throw in my two cents in, if I may. As a
general rule, I believe it is better to try to keep personal care
separate from personal or sexual relationships. Believe me, this isn't
easy for me to say, but I know from experience.
In 1983, I had my first love/sexual experience with a female
attendant. We fell in love, but the relationship ended very badly when
she abandoned me when I was hospitalized with pneumonia. She apparently
couldn't accept the fact I might die, and split without a word or
goodbye. I was heartbroken. Sometimes even though it has been nearly 15
years, I still miss her.
Several years after years after this experience, I had a female
attendant come onto me. Being flattered by her advances, I returned her
effections and we started having an affair. Awhile later, she stole some
money from me. It was then I found out she had a crack problem. Again,
I was hurt!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it is impossible to have a
good love/sexual relationship with a caregiver (I know where it's
happened), just very risky and a potentially bad situation. See ya!
Blane
:-)
On Sat, 25 Oct 1997 14:06:10 -0400 Jeff Gray <nirusers(AT)ptdprolog.net>
writes:
>
>>Jeff,
>>
>> I know what you mean. I too have been disabled all of my
>adult life
>>and I
>>share your frustration in finding a relationship with a woman. Sad to
>say I
>>have never had one. I have had over 80 female PCAs during the past 15
>years.
>>Like you, these are the only women I meet. I have become very close
>to many
>>of them but never in a romantic way. Not because I didn't want to,
>but
>>because they didn't want to.
>> Those that I became very close to and when I got up the
>courage to
>>ask, I would get one of the following answers. "I couldn't have a
>>relationship with you because; You're my boss, you're too old for me,
>I have
>>a boyfriend, it would ruin our friendship, I don't think of you in
>that
>>way". I was even told by one of my ex PCAs, "Who would ever want to
>have sex
>>with someone as disabled as you"? This was not too good for my self
>>esteem. :-(
>> And please, all of you, don't suggest that I join a church
>group.
>>I'm not
>>very religious. Also, I went to college for eight years. The story
>there was
>>the same. Most every female I met seemed to liked me. I heard remarks
>like;
>>"Dan's such a nice guy, What a great smile, He's got such a great
>>personality, What a good sense of humor", but that's as far as it
>went.
>> However, I keep on trying, maybe the next one I connect with
>will
>>be the
>>one. As they say, hope springs eternal. Keep on truckin my friend and
>I'll
>>do the same.
>>
>>
>>Dan
>>drv(AT)ici.net
>
>Dan,
>
> With me it seems that it is seen as being unethical for a
>homecare
>worker to know their clients sexually. Actually I know it is against
>the
>rules of being a healthcare worker. I've heard it put that they would
>feel
>that they were molesting me.
> My problem comes from the fact that women I do know are either
>working for me or have worked for me. Being the only women I know, I
>tend
>to become interested in them. Funny story. I had a young female nurse
>working for me who I found attractive. Everytime she helped me use my
>urinal I would get an erection. I couldn't seem to prevent it.
>Anyhow
>this made her uncomfortable and she took herself off the case.
>Before I
>knew she was leaving I asked her if we could be friends. I also told
>her
>that she tended to make me uncomfortable and somewhat nervous. She
>freaked
>out because she felt I was comming on to her. Physically nothing
>could
>happen without her help. I've got DMD and I cant lift my arms or
>legs.
>Another nursse put it this way. "It's not like you could reach out and
>grab
>her by the ass or something ".I've said these same things to another
>nurse
>but she didn't feel threatened.
>
> Jeff
>
>
>
>