Vent-users List: A few thoughts...

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<<Why is it that women in this country are so
afraid of sexual subjects? My understanding is that women in Europe and
other parts of the world are much more understanding and liberal when it
comes to sexuality issues. I hire college students as PCAs. They are all
women as I seem to relate better with women than men and most people who
apply for this type of job are women. Most of them talk very freely =
about
their sexual encounters. But they never consider me as a sexual being.=20
The only time I saw a woman undressed was when I paid an exotic dancer
$200 to come to my house for a private show. My PCAs knew about this and
sympathized with me but none of them volunteered to let me see them
undressed. Is this such an awful thing to ask?>>

I understand you frustration in this area. God knows I'm not flooded =
with requests for dates or sex. :) However, I think it's important =
that we separate the duties of our caregivers from our own personal =
needs and desires. I decided a long time ago that I would not get =
involved with a nurse or a PCA. There is just too much potential for =
creating a very messy situation. This isn't to say that I have never =
been attracted to caregivers, but I'm just not willing to put myself in =
that situation. =20

Also, we shouldn't gloss over the ethical implications. I'll =
(hopefully) be a licensed attorney soon, and I could face disbarment if =
I were to become intimately involved with a client. The same goes for =
nurses. There are very good reasons why those rules exist, both for =
your benefit and hers.

I know you all have heard this before, but it's important not to lose =
hope. If you really feel that nobody could possibly be attracted to =
you, that will be reflected in your interactions with the opposite sex. =
Try to seek out people that aren't caregivers. Personally, I never =
wanted a girlfriend that would take care of me. That's why I have =
nurses. I simply want someone with whom I can share my life and dreams. =
I'm fortunate in the fact that I have the chance to meet other people =
at school. I know it's more difficult for some of you. And it's =
important not to push things too fast, which I'm afraid many disabled =
men try to do. Rather than suddenly telling someone how physically =
attracted you are to them, get to know them and give them time to feel =
comfortable around you. Play it cool. For me, this approach seems to =
work best.

Mark Siegel=20
3L, University of Minnesota Law School=20
sieg0045(AT)tc.umn.edu=20

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<<Why is it that women in this country are so
afraid of = sexual=20 subjects? My understanding is that women in Europe and
other parts of = the=20 world are much more understanding and liberal when it
comes to = sexuality=20 issues. I hire college students as PCAs. They are all
women as I seem = to=20 relate better with women than men and most people who
apply for this = type of=20 job are women. Most of them talk very freely about
their sexual = encounters.=20 But they never consider me as a sexual being.
The only time I = saw a=20 woman undressed was when I paid an exotic dancer
$200 to come to my = house for=20 a private show. My PCAs knew about this and
sympathized with me but = none of=20 them volunteered to let me see them
undressed. Is this such an awful = thing to=20 ask?>>

I understand you frustration in this area. God knows I'm not = flooded=20 with requests for dates or sex. :) However, I think it's = important=20 that we separate the duties of our caregivers from our own personal = needs and=20 desires. I decided a long time ago that I would not get involved = with a=20 nurse or a PCA. There is just too much potential for creating a = very messy=20 situation. This isn't to say that I have never been attracted to=20 caregivers, but I'm just not willing to put myself in that = situation. =20

Also, we shouldn't gloss over the ethical implications. I'll=20 (hopefully) be a licensed attorney soon, and I could face disbarment if = I were=20 to become intimately involved with a client. The same goes for=20 nurses. There are very good reasons why those rules exist, both = for your=20 benefit and hers.

I know you all have heard this before, but it's important not to = lose=20 hope. If you really feel that nobody could possibly be attracted = to you,=20 that will be reflected in your interactions with the opposite sex. = Try to=20 seek out people that aren't caregivers. Personally, I never wanted = a=20 girlfriend that would take care of me. That's why I have = nurses. I=20 simply want someone with whom I can share my life and dreams. I'm=20 fortunate in the fact that I have the chance to meet other people at=20 school. I know it's more difficult for some of you. And it's = important not to push things too fast, which I'm afraid many disabled = men try to=20 do. Rather than suddenly telling someone how physically attracted = you are=20 to them, get to know them and give them time to feel comfortable around=20 you. Play it cool. For me, this approach seems to work = best.