I just finished reading _In the Shadow of Polio_ by Kathryn Black. It is an
excellent book, and it's very well written; I learned a lot about the disease
that caused my lifetime of disability. It made me feel extremely sad at times,
reading it; and I could only stand to read small portions at a time because it
was so *heavy.* Many quotes really stood out for me, but I'd like to point out
2 of them here. What do you think?
1) from page 252: "The silence in my family reflected the attitudes and
practices of a society that praised people like us for behaing as if nothing
were wrong, that valued stoicism and expected adults to protect children from
feeling or witnessing emotion."
I had polio in 1952 at age 7. I learned in the hospital not to cry or fuss or
whine about being separated from my family, or about all of the IVs, or about
how much pain I was in. I learned the lesson so well that finally when I
reached my 50s I was ready to explode with all of the feelings that I'd
stuffed and sucked in over all of the years. Just a couple of years ago, I
started to feel my emotions and began to grieve all that polio had taken away
from my life. Nobody in my family of origin, not even close friends or my
favorite doctor understood this need in me. They were shocked that I should be
feeling all of these things because I always seemed to be "so well adjusted."
They all advised me just to put it in the past and to get on with my life.
2) from page 261, Hugh Gallagher, FDR's biographer is quoted: "A visible
paralytic handicap affects every relationship, alters the attitudes of others,
and challenges one's self-esteem. It requires meticulous minute-by-minute
monitoring and control to an extent quite unperceived and unimaginable by the
able-bodied." (It's mentioned here that the public's perception was that FDR
had "overcome" polio.)
People close to me always thought that I'd "overcome polio," too. But how do I
ever overcome something that is always in my face ... that I have to deal with
every single waking moment? This is what my loved ones wanted me to do, I
believe ... to overcome polio. I know that it hurt them to see me struggle
with the everyday things about living that able-bodied people take for
granted. Gallagher in this quote was able to articulate so well the effects of
my disability on my life. It is always there, always affecting every
relationship, definitely affecting my self-esteem, my sense of who I am, my
sexuality, my every minute.
Yes, I have learned ways to cope with my disability so that I can have a life.
But it has taken rugged determination, an enormous faith, and true grit in
order to do it. Growing up, I hated myself for my disability! I was filled
with self-loathing! I have since worked long and hard to overcome this
perception of myself as a damaged human being ... today I'm often able to see
myself as heroic and beautiful.
All of us with disabilities are the most courageous, heroic, and strong people
in our society! I celebrate that in us today!
A big hug and salute to each of you!
Carol in Massachusetts