Surprisingly, I suffered no hangover from our outing at The Slip last night. The two girls that were working that night were long time employees that recognized us.

Had just two drinks but they made them really strong and was very toasted by the time I got the second down. Of coarse I don’t drink much either so no tolerance probably didn’t help.

She’s cleaning up getting ready to leave. The Slip actually closes at 10:30 on Saturday so no new customers were being served but they don’t kick us out while they’re cleaning up.

Somewhat optimistic mood has carried over to today, even though there is absolutely nothing material that I am aware of that should be the grounds for that.

Maybe it’s just the feeling that a really shitty year is behind.

Had some pleasant and fun dreams for a change too last night instead of the usual dark dreams that I have been having.

I am not being successful at finding meaning and happiness in my life again.

My daughter has been gone for a month and a week now, and I still have multiple crying spells during the day. I’m semi-ok, then something reminds me of her in the past, here, and I lose it.

My wife would do anything within her power to make me happy, but that does not seem to be within her power. It is frustrating to her but I am not good at faking how I feel.

Sometimes I think it would be better if I were just gone from this planet. I wouldn’t bother my daughter anymore, and my wife, while she would be hurt, at least she could start healing instead of being constantly bothered by my state.