Neuropathic Pain


      Tonight I went to bed at 10pm but got back up at midnight because the pain in my legs is excruciating and I can’t stand it.  It is plain burning tonight, not the usual allodynia, and usually gabapentin takes care of this kind of pain but not tonight.

     Now that I’ve been up an hour, my lower back is on fire as well.  I’m trying to use the mindfulness meditation techniques I’ve learned to try to get myself from an emotional mind state to a wise mind state but this pain is so intense it grabs my attention, yanks me back into the emotional mind, and my emotional mind is screaming put the damned fire out already!

Fascinating Nature

    There is a lot in this image that fascinates me: Waves in the clouds, near the top they are visible on the left and from the middle to about three quarters across, waves that are vertical relative to the image. Near the bottom of the cloud structure, near the center, waves that are horizontal relative to the image.  Waves on the Puget Sound, appearing more random and less structured. Mountains which seem to have a fractal nature.
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High Strangeness Dream

     Lately, I have remembered very few of my dreams.  Last night, I had a very strange dream.  I had quite a lot of pain last night but did not turn to marijuana for relief, perhaps that is why I remembered this dream.

     In this dream I lived not far from a small lake.  Where I lived was itself part of the weirdness.  It was like an apartment building with some shared common area that everyone could use.  It was build really open.  I could see the lake somewhat from where I lived, there were buildings between myself and the lake that partially obscured my view.

     Lights had been seen over the lake at night.  I wouldn’t call them UFO’s because they had no discernible size or shape, they appeared as point sources of white light that would kind of drift about before extinguishing.

     Some friends and I, nobody I know in this waking life, decided to try to photograph these lights.  There was an abandoned medical lab that faced the lake and had a clear view of it and a cement loading dock that we thought would be a good place to setup tripods at night and photograph these lights.

     I took a few pictures and then one friend insisted we go down to the lake.  I went and as I arrived one of these lights went right by me.  They would float by and then just kind of fade out and disappear.

     There was a structure like decks off an apartment without an apartment and ladders to access the upper floors.  These were built for people who wanted to stay late or overnight to observe the light.  It had become quite a draw.  There were tables on the shore where people would sit and play cards as these lights would float through the air by them and disappear.

     My friends had reserved one of these decks for the night and stashed a bunch of junk food there so we’d have something to munch on while we watched and photographed these lights.

     These lights were too small to be craft, appeared as point sources even close up.  They appeared to have some interest in humans, as if they were as curious about us as we about them.

 

Nothing is Working

     Tonight is one of those nights where nothing will stop the pain.  My nerves just laugh at all the drugs I throw at them.  Right now particularly my legs and feet are killing me.  I’ve come in here to sit in front of the electric space heater cranked up full and blowing against my legs because it is somehow soothing and my nerves quiet down.