Another thought about inclusion is that I have been my own worst enemy many
times. My own sense of shame about my body, my poor self-esteem (even though
I appeared to be very self-assured and confident, very poised and gracious)
and body image weighed me down in certain situations. While other people
have always been willing to accept me and desired to include me in their
world, I have often hung back because I felt so different. I have been in
therapy for a year and a half now in an attempt to see myself more
objectively. I did have a great career teaching, I've been and continue to
be very creative and productive, etc.; on the outside I always seemed to be
very well put together and well adjusted. But on the inside, I excluded
myself a lot from the rest of the world. I told myself that I wasn't worthy,
that I was damaged goods. I really didn't have to prove myself to the world
at all; the world has been kind to me; the world has accepted me as I am. I
had to keep proving myself to me because I didn't accept myself as I was.
Going to Post Polio Support Group meetings, being involved in the polio lists
and this vent-users list, going to therapy and 12-Step meetings -- all of
these things are helping me to accept and appreciate myself. I am now
starting to include myself in the world as a worthy, creative, productive,
and beautiful human being. But God! is it ever a lot of work!
Good luck on your project.
Carol Meyer
CKSwedberg(AT)aol.com