Worrying is not about loving. Worrying is only about worrying and fear. I
hear your fear and your rage coming through loud and clear in your posts,
Andrea. There really isn't anything wrong with these emotions at all; people
can't control what feelings they have. What people can control is how they
react to them. You may think that Mandy does not know about your pain, fear,
and rage; however, I'll bet you anything that she does sense it. A parent
can't conceal such strong emotions from a child; kids are very sensitive to
every little quirk and twitch that they observe. Your daughter in some way
senses that she is not "up to par" in your eyes.
As many others in this forum have said, you are completely underestimating
what the human spirit is capable of. You are judging everyone here as well
as your own daughter by your very narrow measurement of what "normal" is. I
have a trach and use a vent; I consider this to be "normal" for me.
I invite you to visit Mark O'Brien's Web Page:
http://www.pacificnews.org/marko/index.html
Mark has made a life for himself in an iron lung. I wonder what he would
think about your definition of "normal." Did you happen to catch "Stephen
Hawking's Universe" on PBS last night? I wonder how Hawking would define
"normal." This summer I read a book written by a Frenchman who could only
move his left eyelid. Where does this fit into your definition of "normal"?
As I have been reading your posts, Andrea, what has struck me is this --
Mandy is going to do okay; she's getting lots of support and good care; she
also has a family who wants to be there for her. You need to take care of
yourself, Andrea. You need to do whatever it takes to heal the wounds in
your soul because they are eventually going to destroy you.
Carol