Re: Another "Country" Heard From

Dan Vachon (drv(AT)ici.net)
Thu, 23 Oct 1997 19:44:29 -0400 (EDT)

You wrote:
>
>I guess I wondered how it affects your personal relatioships. It appears as
>if it has little effect. What, you being married. I guess your MD doesn't
>result in severe disability of your hands and arm. I would refer to myself
>as a quadraplegic without the nerve damage. This has affected my personal
>relatioships. The only relatioships I currently have are with people who
>work or have worked with me. I don't have any romantic relations with
>women. Heck, close female friends are far and few between. How have you
>kept your disability from affecting your personal relatioships, or has it?
>
> Jeff in New Jersey
>
>
Jeff,

I know what you mean. I too have been disabled all of my adult life and I
share your frustration in finding a relationship with a woman. Sad to say I
have never had one. I have had over 80 female PCAs during the past 15 years.
Like you, these are the only women I meet. I have become very close to many
of them but never in a romantic way. Not because I didn't want to, but
because they didn't want to.
Those that I became very close to and when I got up the courage to
ask, I would get one of the following answers. "I couldn't have a
relationship with you because; You're my boss, you're too old for me, I have
a boyfriend, it would ruin our friendship, I don't think of you in that
way". I was even told by one of my ex PCAs, "Who would ever want to have sex
with someone as disabled as you"? This was not too good for my self esteem. :-(
And please, all of you, don't suggest that I join a church group. I'm not
very religious. Also, I went to college for eight years. The story there was
the same. Most every female I met seemed to liked me. I heard remarks like;
"Dan's such a nice guy, What a great smile, He's got such a great
personality, What a good sense of humor", but that's as far as it went.
However, I keep on trying, maybe the next one I connect with will be the
one. As they say, hope springs eternal. Keep on truckin my friend and I'll
do the same.

Dan
drv(AT)ici.net